I've heard it said that "getting control over one's emotions" is something we should strive for--an emblem of true maturity, in a sense.
I would agree, to some extent. However, I find it excruciating to force myself to appear one way when I'm clearly not. Of course, certain times call for composure. I try not to lose my composure, but, more often than not, I fail. I've been told many a time that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It gets me into trouble. But, sometimes, I think it's HEALTHY to show our emotions. To say, "Here I am world, I am alive, and I feel!!"
I just discovered a few days ago that my friend Seye's (pronounced shay) mother passed away. Seye is also an Ambassadorial Scholar here in AU. He's from Nigeria and is a Neurologist. I've grown quite fond of him, as he reminds me of a lot of my close friends back at home, all rolled into one. I feel so, for him and his family. I'm glad God doesn't mind us asking "why, God?"...
Then, completely on the flip-side of my emotion-o-meter, I got to sit with friends and be in awe of a fantastic performance of Wicked. It was sooo good. No, great!
I can't help but feel somewhat guilty for having a good time while my friend was on his way back home to grieve the loss of the woman who gave him life. I feel even stranger just typing about it...
What makes us keep going? What gives us the ability to not be consumed by every grievance in this world, and to smile? Sometimes it's selfishness. We're too self-absorbed to have any real empathy. Sometimes it's detachment. I've no personal acquaintances with those across the seas, so it's hard to understand what war must be like. Many times, though, for me, I know it's God. He keeps me going. This battered, beaten ol' carcass of a woman. He uses me. *shakes head* Hard to believe, isn't it?
"To love your brother as yourself", then, is quite a serious business. Do we cry for one another? Do we comfort? Not just a sad, "I'll keep you in my prayers", but a real, step-out-of-the-comfort-zone sacrifice?
I want to do that more. I need to do that more.
I'm such a selfish creature. Since I came out of my mother's womb, I've been crying for things my way! Love never takes...it gives. And gives. And gives.
God, help me love.
I think part of emotional maturity is the ability to empathize without losing your own emotional balance. So, understanding that it's okay to have a good time even when someone you love isn't is okay. It took me a long time to learn that, though. Don't beat yourself up too much!
ReplyDeleteEven Jesus rejoiced on occasion. I bet, though, that somewhere in the world, someone was crying at that moment. Don't allow suffering and pain to get in the way of joy, that is the purpose of our life. The pain gives us the capacity to appreciate joy even more, but rejection of joy in favor of more pain is, in my opinion, rejection of one of God's greatest gifts.