Fear is the Opposite of Faith

I do not tell the following story as a "hey, look at me!" shout. In fact, there is still a part of me that wishes to keep it hidden--a tale between me and God. But the Spirit is revealing that I am not alone in this struggle, and so I share this with anyone wishing to see God's "kingdom come...on Earth as it is in Heaven". 

I don't really like doing something "nice" for someone and then telling others about it. It makes me feel like a Pharisee. But, as I explained above, I'm divulging details now so that the reader may also gain courage.

When I first arrived in Sydney, the first thing that stuck out were the homeless and poor. We have poor people in Beaumont too, of course, but those people were more familiar. I actually knew a few. Here, where thousands are walking in shiny shoes, overstuffed bellies hidden beneath $100 suits, seeing the poor knelt below their wealthy counterparts' belts is quite jarring. I don't like it.

I decided to minister personally to one poor woman. She wouldn't tell me her name, but I visited her, bringing her lunch and company, for about two and a half weeks. She had begun to warm-up to me, and she even let me pray for her. That was the last time I saw her, when I prayed for her.

I began to get "busy" with school and made the excuse that she was out of my way, that it was too inconvenient to see her. The few times I would cross her path, I would even avoid her corner, for fear that she might see me.

Why did I do that?

Guilt ate away at me for some time, but I kept telling myself it was no big deal, that I had done my part. What a lie! I was allowing my selfishness to get in the way of bigger things, of things that actually mattered.

About two weeks ago, I tried to visit her again. I'd go to her corner, but she was nowhere to be found. I feared I had missed my opportunity. What did she think of Christ? That He only cares for a little while? I felt horrible.

I began to pray for courage. I wanted to have the strength to walk up to any poor person and just love them! But as the days passed, I was chicken again and again. 

It's funny that someone with nothing to offer can make you feel so small.

I wanted to just give up so many times, especially after I'd pass a beggar, pretending I didn't see them. "They wouldn't want my money, anyway," I thought. Or, the really popular thought, "They'll just use my money for drugs or something". Excuses, excuses.

Well, I've been reading a lot (ha ha!). And Jesus tells us that when we feed, clothe, or give money to the poor, we do these things to Him. I don't know about you, but I want to serve Jesus!!

So, by God's grace, I continued to pray for courage. And I asked that He would guide me to the right person. Nothing fancy, no "magic prayer", just asked like I would to anyone. 

Today I was headed to class. I looked ahead of me and saw a man sitting cross-legged, a small hat laid in front of him. He had no sign, just sat there. He looked up at me. 

I saw Jesus.

I smiled, and he grinned a gap-toothed grin up at me. I asked him, "What do you really need right now?" He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I cuhd really use a bo'tle a watah." I asked him to wait a second, and I crossed the street to a vendor. I bought two bottles. As I brought them back, he stood to meet me. He took the bottles and thanked me graciously. 

"God bless ya, ma'am," he said. "God is good!"

I felt a welt grow in my throat as I told him, "I'm sorry how things are. This world is so messed up. But I want you to know that God is still great, and He is still in control. And Jesus is good. And that's truth." I wanted to tell him so much more, to tell him how Christ died for the world, how Jesus was the lover of beggars and thieves. But he beat me to it.

"That He is, ma'am. There's anotha li'l lady, real pretty, that come one day and sat right next ta me!" His eyes glowed at the memory. "She sat next ta me a whole fordy minutes just talkin' an' laughin'! And she gave me this Bible, this li'l one," he motioned with his grubby fingers how small the Bible was, still clutching the bottles of water I had just given him. "And it was so good. Oh, you don' know! You don' know how good it is to jus' talk ta someone." 

I told him about the woman I used to talk to down the street, and he nodded his head. "Yeah, she been havin' a real hard time lately. Don' come out anymore." I asked him to please, if he saw her, tell her the curly-headed girl said hello. He said he would. He said his name was Chris.

"Nice to meet you, Chris," I extended my arm out to him. He shifted the bottles to his left arm and wiped his dirty hand on his sweater. He gently took my hand and gripped it. "Thank you, God bless ya. God bless ya."

I asked him if I could do anything else for him, perhaps the next time I saw him. "Jus' say hallo, that'd be all," he grinned. 

"God bless you," I said, and I smiled at the savior of the world. 

I walked away, smiling and laughing. How great is God!?! He gives good things to those who fear Him, without measure. I felt no fear as I walked up to Chris, and I left feeling better than if I had won a million dollars. 

Chris probably felt like I had done so much for him, but it was the other way around. He let me have the honor to bless him, and he blessed me intensely. 

God gives you the faith you lack and the strength you need to change the world. There is a better way to live, it just takes one step outside the comfort zone. Once it's broken, you'll never want to step back in.

As I was walking up Bridge street, I kept passing by beautiful people. People with nice clothes and expensive jewelry. People with blonde hair and fake tans. People with frown lines and palm-pilots. People looking for the next break. And I thought, "Humanity is so enslaved to itself. Enslaved to money. Enslaved to comfort." 

I like being free of that.

I kept grinning as I walked, laughing out loud at nothing. Some people gave funny looks, others smiled back, and others didn't even see me.

I want to encourage you to love someone that appears unlovable. Whether it's a beggar on the street or a blonde in a fancy suit. Whether it's a sick cancer patient or your stubborn mother. Take the time today to just...let whatever you're holding onto go. And replace your reservations with love. 

Let's really change the world.