Change is Inevitable

Big update: I have moved out of my host counselor's home and into a new one! John and his family were very kind to let me stay with them so long! Ha ha... I was very blessed to have them in my life. For sure.

Story goes: I sang for a women's Gingerbread House-Making Night last semester, and a lady named Karen Becket was there. She inquired of my friend (also my pastor's wife), Margie, who I was and whether I needed a place to stay. At the time, everything was working out fine, so I didn't take her up on her offer.

Well, this semester, money became extremely tight. As in, in the negatives, tight. So I called Karen up and she and her family invited me to stay with them for the rest of the semester! They looked forward to having an "older individual from a different culture" around for the sake of their two girls, knowing it would be a good experience for them. Antonia, 9, is a character and just an all-around cool kid. Natlie, 13, is a lovely young lady with a somewhat mysterious beauty. If you ask me, it seems I'm the one benefitting! Karen and her hubby, Brendan, are hard workers with generous hearts. I look forward to the coming months!

I am also in a new curriculum at school. Instead of two ensemble classes (a class where I'm in a group of musicians whom I have no real choice to be with and we put on a concert), I am taking two pedagogy (how to teach) courses. I am sooo excited!! A bit uncertain about all the writing I'll have to do, but besides that, I'm stoked!

I finally posted videos on YouTube of me singing. They aren't really me in the act of singing, but just my voice. Same audio as the links I posted here on my blog, but now there's a picture of my face you can stare at too. :D

Please visit! Josmery's YouTube

A few not-so-good things have arisen as well, things that I have no real control over -- but what DO we control, in truth, anyway? I'm learning not to be anxious for ANYTHING, but to trust God and ask Him to help me out of the worry. One day at a time.

Life.

LV

I just got my Valentine's present in the mail today :)

I love you...

Short Vent

Sometimes I feel like Jekyl and Hyde. Or however you spell their names.

So many icky, sticky, fickle pickles of animosity lie beneath this lovely exterior, I surprise myself. Kind of.

So why rage? Why growl? Why wail at the moon when you know your real identity is hidden in lovely Love?

Oh, to tear off this dead carcass and be free of the struggle forevermore!! Let it come...

Thank Goodness for DVD Friends

I despise when people complain about something when they have so much to be grateful for. So I had purposed to be completely 100% satisfied with being away from my fiance on a day that, in reality, is only important because Western culture says it is.

But, alas, I am a hypocrite in many ways, many times. What can I say? I'm human. I miss him. And I couldn't help but feel bitter and envious of all my friends today, hand-in-hand with their husbands. *pout* I want to make cookies!! And dance to romantic music by candlelight. And watch sappy movies. And knit a sweater. Okay, okay...the sweater thing is a bit far, but can ya blame me? I grew up watching reruns of Happy Days.

So, to lessen the ache of being o-so-lonesome, I picked up on Season 4 of Gilmore Girls. Don't have Season 3, so I skipped a lot, but, I'm desperate. Oh, Gilmore Girls. You always seem to keep me company in the hardest of times. I love you. :D

Rain

Do you like rainstorms? I love 'em. I get all squiggly inside when I feel the suspense before a downpour. Like when you're at the top of a roller-coaster, and you're weightless for a split second...except with a storm, all of creation is weightless for however long it takes the clouds to come, billowing and raging.

I couldn't fall asleep the other night, and decided to observe the rain instead. Crawling to the window, I looked and allowed my eyes to adjust to the unaccustomed darkness. Everything was gray and a very dark, dark green. The light from surrounding houses cut through the trees, giving the "ray" effect you see when walking through a forest. But the light was silver, drenched with newness.

I love the trees in Sydney. They are soooo BIG!! I gazed at them in the dark, their dusky silhouettes lurching in the breeze. It was a bit scary...

Such a tall, proud thing, with roots deep in the soil, its arms reaching towards the heavens! Yet for all its strength, it was being whipped around, forced to bend, forced to move along with the wind and the rain.

I thought about my life. I ask God to grow me, to shape me, to teach me to love. To renew my mind, to refresh my spirit. And He does. Sometimes, it is an unassuming mist of love. A comfort that surrounds and seeps into my skin. Other times, it is a kind, gentle sprinkle, each raindrop a whisper of promises. Yet, in other cases, it is a storm. It is an arch-my-back-lest-I-break wind. A power that calls me to bend, to humble myself and acknowledge that I am not in charge. And yet, all the while, the rain pours. It hits every nerve, it bleeds into every crack of me. And with it, comes life. With it, comes a strength to persevere amidst the turmoil.

After the storm, the dead leaves that were once caught in a tree are swept away. Dead branches tear off. Withered leaves disappear, allowing the new fruits to prosper. And the rain sinks deep, deep into the roots, allowing the tree to grow and provide shade, food and shelter to so many creatures.

The first verse of one of my favorite songs, How He Loves, says:

He is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

When all of a sudden, I am unaware

Of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful You are

And how great Your affections are for me

He loves. Oh, how He loves! I hope you can see how God loves you. It never makes sense while we're in the storm. Only hindsight provides us a clearer answer to "why". And sometimes, not even then. But God says He is good and that He will never stop doing us good (Jeremiah 32:40). He promises that. That's all we need to cling to, to dig our roots into.

I suppose the soil is important as well, since a tree that is not well-rooted can easily be ripped up. But that's a whole 'nother analogy... :)