Change is Inevitable

Big update: I have moved out of my host counselor's home and into a new one! John and his family were very kind to let me stay with them so long! Ha ha... I was very blessed to have them in my life. For sure.

Story goes: I sang for a women's Gingerbread House-Making Night last semester, and a lady named Karen Becket was there. She inquired of my friend (also my pastor's wife), Margie, who I was and whether I needed a place to stay. At the time, everything was working out fine, so I didn't take her up on her offer.

Well, this semester, money became extremely tight. As in, in the negatives, tight. So I called Karen up and she and her family invited me to stay with them for the rest of the semester! They looked forward to having an "older individual from a different culture" around for the sake of their two girls, knowing it would be a good experience for them. Antonia, 9, is a character and just an all-around cool kid. Natlie, 13, is a lovely young lady with a somewhat mysterious beauty. If you ask me, it seems I'm the one benefitting! Karen and her hubby, Brendan, are hard workers with generous hearts. I look forward to the coming months!

I am also in a new curriculum at school. Instead of two ensemble classes (a class where I'm in a group of musicians whom I have no real choice to be with and we put on a concert), I am taking two pedagogy (how to teach) courses. I am sooo excited!! A bit uncertain about all the writing I'll have to do, but besides that, I'm stoked!

I finally posted videos on YouTube of me singing. They aren't really me in the act of singing, but just my voice. Same audio as the links I posted here on my blog, but now there's a picture of my face you can stare at too. :D

Please visit! Josmery's YouTube

A few not-so-good things have arisen as well, things that I have no real control over -- but what DO we control, in truth, anyway? I'm learning not to be anxious for ANYTHING, but to trust God and ask Him to help me out of the worry. One day at a time.

Life.

Rain

Do you like rainstorms? I love 'em. I get all squiggly inside when I feel the suspense before a downpour. Like when you're at the top of a roller-coaster, and you're weightless for a split second...except with a storm, all of creation is weightless for however long it takes the clouds to come, billowing and raging.

I couldn't fall asleep the other night, and decided to observe the rain instead. Crawling to the window, I looked and allowed my eyes to adjust to the unaccustomed darkness. Everything was gray and a very dark, dark green. The light from surrounding houses cut through the trees, giving the "ray" effect you see when walking through a forest. But the light was silver, drenched with newness.

I love the trees in Sydney. They are soooo BIG!! I gazed at them in the dark, their dusky silhouettes lurching in the breeze. It was a bit scary...

Such a tall, proud thing, with roots deep in the soil, its arms reaching towards the heavens! Yet for all its strength, it was being whipped around, forced to bend, forced to move along with the wind and the rain.

I thought about my life. I ask God to grow me, to shape me, to teach me to love. To renew my mind, to refresh my spirit. And He does. Sometimes, it is an unassuming mist of love. A comfort that surrounds and seeps into my skin. Other times, it is a kind, gentle sprinkle, each raindrop a whisper of promises. Yet, in other cases, it is a storm. It is an arch-my-back-lest-I-break wind. A power that calls me to bend, to humble myself and acknowledge that I am not in charge. And yet, all the while, the rain pours. It hits every nerve, it bleeds into every crack of me. And with it, comes life. With it, comes a strength to persevere amidst the turmoil.

After the storm, the dead leaves that were once caught in a tree are swept away. Dead branches tear off. Withered leaves disappear, allowing the new fruits to prosper. And the rain sinks deep, deep into the roots, allowing the tree to grow and provide shade, food and shelter to so many creatures.

The first verse of one of my favorite songs, How He Loves, says:

He is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

When all of a sudden, I am unaware

Of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful You are

And how great Your affections are for me

He loves. Oh, how He loves! I hope you can see how God loves you. It never makes sense while we're in the storm. Only hindsight provides us a clearer answer to "why". And sometimes, not even then. But God says He is good and that He will never stop doing us good (Jeremiah 32:40). He promises that. That's all we need to cling to, to dig our roots into.

I suppose the soil is important as well, since a tree that is not well-rooted can easily be ripped up. But that's a whole 'nother analogy... :)

BAM!

I was recently pleasantly challenged by a message focused on Psalm 69. The question asked was, "Are you finding yourself 'backing down' when you face spiritual oppression? Do you think, 'it will just be easier if I'm not so passionate'?"

Boy, have I ever!

I've discovered there's a fine line between being passionate about something and being dumb. Haha! Consider: When Emeril Lagasse cooks, boy, does he excited! Here is a clip of him doing his thing. His famous catch phrases are "bam!" and "kick it up a notch". Now, I think it's great. I get pumped when Emeril BAM!'s his way through lunch. But then, it got to be too much. They used him for a Crest Toothpaste commercial, and it was just....yeah. Unnecessary.

I have seen that my passion for Christ is very much the same. Now, I must give a forewarning that I am NOT saying anyone could ever have too much excitement for Christ. Ever! What I'm saying is that the passion for the Lord should be placed in the Lord, not in anything else. Like Emeril...his BAM should be in cooking. Not toothpaste.

Looking back on my time here in AU so far, I have to say that my passion for Christ, though unbeknownst to me at the beginning, was seeping into the cracks of other things. Self-praise. Pride. The fear of being an outcast. I was driven more by the desire to "prove I'm right" than by a genuine love for people and for them to come to know Christ. Big mistake.

But, thankfully, I see that God's not given up on me. His grace is enough!

No mistake is too big for God. He always turns our bad into His good. Always.

So, Emeril's show may not be as popular anymore, but he still has a restaurant that's booming. I may not have glorified Christ to the best of my ability in every circumstance, but I'm still here, and He's still using me. I see it. And boy, am I humbled by it.

What's wonderful about God is that no matter how little faith we have in Him being able to create good from our shortcomings, He never even blinks at "trials". He already sees the solution. And He revealed it to us two-thousand years ago on a wooden cross. Now, that is well-placed passion.

I Have a Personal Chef

It's as easy as pie, really.

Perfection will come, like the rise of the sun

Blinding illumination.

I am called to be perfect.

It's as easy as pie, really.

No greater love than to die, pour the blood

Crimson stains cleanse.

I am called to die.

It's as easy as pie, really.

As far East is from West, no grudge is possessed

Love isn't bitter.

I am called to forgive.

It's as easy as pie, really.

Pressing on towards the goal, no matter the toll

Bread reigns in deserts.

I am called to persevere.

It's as easy as pie, really.

But God knows I can't cook.

Fresh Start

At times one discovers they are dream-walking. You can almost step back from your body, observe the situation at hand and think, "This is my life? How did I get here? Is this real?"

I've had that happen many times these past few weeks! A Christmas without my family has left me remembering all the times I used to wish I had something else to do than spend the holidays with them--was that really me? Did I really think those horrid thoughts about my own flesh and blood?

I spent the holiday season with the D's and their family in Melbourne. It was a fantastic Christmas present :D I was often at table with three generations of Italian heritage. There they were... Immigrants from long ago, who worked and sacrificed most of their lives to bring their children better opportunities. Their children, now grown, having experienced similar circumstances, yet with far more "freedom" than their parents had been offered. And then, my generation, reaping the benefits of both and wishing to burn a path of their own making.

Each one thinks the other could do things better. It's so interesting, when I sit back and observe a situation, instead of jumping in and trying to "fix" things. It's a dangerous thing when the first words out of your mouth are, "Well, I think..."

I never knew my grandparents. My grandmother passed away when I was five or six, so the "age-old-wisdom" of my ancestors is pretty much gone. It was wonderful hearing another's take on life and how to live. Such passion, in the Italian family! Nothing is said without much conviction. A simple reference to the weather can make one feel as if the question of whether it's "cloudy" or "partly-cloudy" is a life-and-death situation. Reminds me some of my own family. :D

We are all just trying to make it, trying to show each other what works and what doesn't.

I'll curb the stories of Melbourne for the one I truly wish to write of. On January 1, Brian David Mulvahill came to Sydney! He brought with him all the joy and positiveness that makes him him. *sigh* He makes everything better. I mean, Sydney's beautiful, but with Brian, it's gorgeous! I accomplished more sight-seeing with Brian than I have all by myself! Sad, but true.

On the day before he left (Tuesday, January 12, 2010), he and I had a wonderful time enjoying one another's company. Most of his stay's agenda had been arranged by both of us, but Tuesday was his especially. That evening, he took me to a restaurant at the edge of the harbour, called Sails. I have never tasted such fantastic food!!!!!! Exquisite. Then, we began to walk along the water, through a tiny park. I wondered at his knowledge of the area (he has a not-too-good sense of direction), but felt safe and happy. We walked up the stone steps and looked at the view, the wind blowing cooly, the night sky winking with distant stars. He held me, whispering beautiful words meant only for me. Then, he said my name in the most loving way I'd ever heard it spoken: "Josmery, (bends down on one knee) will you marry me?"

The rest is a blur of tears, laughter, questions, encouragement and above all, grace. I had the notion, the hope, that he would propose, but...it actually HAPPENED!!

I stepped back from myself and looked. Was this my life? How in the world did I end up in Sydney, Australia with the most wonderful man in existence asking for MY hand in marriage?

Grace. Grace!!! I am the future Ms. Brian Mulvahill. Josmery Mulvahill... (still gotta get used to that haha)

A new year, a new life. Something I've learned is that looking towards the future is great, but the danger is that you overlook what's going on now. When I was young, I looked so forward to being "grown-up". I didn't relish my childhood as much. I am now looking very much forward to returning and being with my beloved and all my loved ones! But I don't want to miss what God's placed right in front of me now. Live for today! That's all we can do.

I leave with words of great joy...

Isaiah 61:10-11

I will rejoice greatly in the Lord! My soul will exult in my God, for He has clothed me in garments of salvation. He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness as a bridegroom decks himself with garland, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring up before all the nations.